10 Truths I've Learned After 23 Years of Dating my Wife

Embark on a heartfelt exploration as I take you through the intimate turns of a 23-year love story with my incredible wife, Christie.

Our journey has been one of perpetual growth, and along the way, we've unearthed pivotal moments and truths that have fortified our bond.

From the transformative power of a vulnerable heart-to-heart during our most challenging days to the enchanting ritual of continuous dating that keeps our spark alight, I'll candidly share these experiences, hoping to illuminate the path for others in pursuit of a love that endures.

This episode is a treasure chest of relationship wisdom, where I divulge our top 10 love and relationship truths that have served as the bedrock of our lasting connection.

You'll learn how we nurture the delicate threads of emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy and why the seemingly insignificant acts of love are the ones that build a thriving partnership.

As we share these insights, we invite you to embrace a philosophy of co-commitment rather than co-dependence and to be inspired by the powerful, everyday choices that sustain the flames of love.

Join us on this journey of discovery, where learning how to love is just as important as the act of loving itself.

Additional Listening:

• My TEDx Talk: The Transformative Power of Vulnerability in Men's Mental Health
• The 4 Must-Know Phrases That Will Transform Your Relationships Overnight

Transcript

Dai Manuel: 0:07

Hey there, 2% Collective. Welcome back to the 2% Solution Podcast, where we dive into the little things that make a big difference in our lives. I'm your host, diamond Well, and today's episode is special. I'm sharing the top 10 truths I've learned from dating my wife for 23 years. Yeah, you heard it right 23 years. It's been our journey of love, learning, laughter and a bunch of ups and downs, but you know what the downs is, what definitely exercises our resiliency and tests that aspect of loving someone fully. Not always going to agree, but you got to learn how to work through the disagreements. So hopefully today you'll get at least one or two of these little truths that I've seen to come across, and hopefully one of them will support you on your journey of deepening relationships with that significant other in your life.

Dai Manuel: 1:06

So, whether you're in a relationship, looking for one or just love a good love story, this episode is for you. Let's jump in Truth number one. Quite frankly, this is the one that's needed the most work with my wife and I, and if I'm perfectly transparent, it's because of me. Okay, I'm going to own this one and, without getting into gory details, I can tell you communication is key, because the first and perhaps most critical truth is that communication is key, and that's the one we got to take to heart. It's not just about talking, but truly listening and understanding each other. Did you know that, according to a study, couples who practice active listening has significantly higher relationship satisfaction? That means hearing what your partner is saying, not just waiting for your turn to speak, which, to be honest, in my early days was definitely more my mode of operando. And if you've heard my TEDx talk, where I talk about vulnerability being a human quality, not a man quality, not a woman quality, it's a human quality You'll know that 15 years ago I really struggled and there were a number of challenges, and I can perfectly describe the moment. I remember being on a couch with Christie and verbally just dumping everything onto her lap when she asked me how I was doing Now. We'd had a significant moment before that. So if you've heard the TED talk, you're aware of that.

Dai Manuel: 2:37

But this is about a month into my commitment of pursuing a year without alcohol and, to be fair, you know I had already had it very present in my life almost daily for 17 years up to that point of making a decision to say goodbye to it and start to move away from it. And it was hard. Right, you know we normalize the way we live life and sure, we often met with challenges, but we have certain coping mechanisms in mind, without alcohol. And I remember being on that couch with her and just verbal diarrhea all over my wife. But it was the first time in our relationship and at that point we had been together for almost 10 years. You know, our daughters were under the ages of six, one was four, one was six.

Dai Manuel: 3:17

And you know, to be perfectly honest, and it's hard to admit this, but I was very quiet, I wasn't very good at communicating and this is the first time in our relationship, at that point, where I fully opened up and shared everything that was on my heart and what was going on in my mind. You know about the things that were making me feel this great amount of anxiety and depression and just feeling low on myself. And you know it was the most amazing thing. After about 40 minutes of me just all over Christie, she looked at me and she said it's okay, die, I love you, we're gonna get through this. And I think you should talk to some Last little statement. You know it was funny because when she said that she, I was like what do you mean? I just told you everything. Why do we need to talk to somebody else now? Because I had a real negative stigma Attached to mental health professionals, which is funny. You know full fast-forward I I'm a big proponent and advocate for mental health support and I'm a participant in it myself as much, as someone that helps people with this as well, and I had to go through that journey myself. But it was that moment of connection and opening up and fully communicating and wife's Listening. She was so generous that day on the couch that I felt heard, I felt safe, I felt seen and I wish that for everybody to get to that place in the relationship with somebody and it's totally doable and possible. But it's also getting comfortable with getting uncomfortable, especially around being vulnerable and speaking what's on our heart. So if you haven't listened to the TED Talk yet, please go back to the past episode or you can Google it, but for your convenience, all include the link in the show notes today as well.

Dai Manuel: 5:06

Now, truth number two Keep dating each other. So those that know who I am and you follow me online or we've connected on social media You'll notice that in my byline I often say you know, happily dating my wife for up 23 years. You know and that's very intentional, the language around that. Think back to your early relationships with that significant person. Remember that dating period. Everything was exciting, asking lots of questions. You're you're looking to share experience and talking about potential futures together, your dream building, you're connecting. But that power of dating doesn't need to dissipate over time because we all change over. I Am a very distant, different person now, 23 years later, than my wife first met, and she is very different from the person I met 23 years ago. And if we didn't take the intentional time to continuously date each other and constantly rediscover what we love about one another, it's why relationships grow apart. So number two is keep dating each other. It's easy to fall into a routine, but keeping the romance alive is vital. Regular date nights, services and showing appreciation go a long way in keeping the spark alive. And, yes, research backs this up. Couples with a regular date night I'm doing air quotes on my fingers, by the way report higher levels of romantic love than those without.

Dai Manuel: 6:32

Now truth. Number three is about growth, in particular. Growth together, not apart. People change and that's okay. The key is to grow together and not apart. I'm stressing this, I'm repeating myself because I want you to hear this. Embrace each other's changes and support each other's dreams. A Study found that couples actively supporting each other's personal growth and self expansion report higher relationship satisfaction. Now, truth number four laughter really is the best medicine. Don't take life too seriously. Finding humor in the ups as well as the downs of life can strengthen your bond together. Studies show that couples who laugh together report higher relationship quality.

Dai Manuel: 7:20

Now moving on to truth number five compromise is not a dirty word. It's about finding a balance where both partners feel heard, seen and valued. It's not losing it's loving. Truth number six having different interests is okay. It adds spice to the relationship and allows for personal space and growth. Plus, it gives you more to talk about at the end of the day. Truth number seven show appreciation. Never take each other for granted. A simple thank you can mean so much. Research indicates that gratitude in relationships increases emotional bonding and satisfaction.

Dai Manuel: 8:04

If you heard a previous episode from a few weeks ago, I talked about the four critical phrases we all need to know if we want to strengthen our relationships in life, especially those romantic significant others in our lives. Do you remember what the four sentences were, those four phrases? Well, if you don't, you got to go back and listen to the episode. Don't worry, it's in the show notes. Now, number eight truth eight is about working through conflicts. There, you are inevitable, you're going to have them, but it's how you handle them that counts. Approach conflicts as a team, seeking solutions together.

Dai Manuel: 8:44

Number nine keep the intimacy alive, and I'm not just talking about physical intimacy, but emotional and spiritual intimacy as well. Being open and vulnerable strengthens your connection with one another. And truth number 10, honestly one of the most empowering ones to take to heart Love is a choice. Choosing to love each other day in and day out is the most powerful choice you can make. So a few closing thoughts. You have it all there, friends the top 10 truths I've learned from dating my wife for 23 years. It's been an incredible journey and I hope these truths can inspire and guide you in your relationships. Remember, love is about the little things, the daily choices and the commitment to keep growing together. We call that being co-committed and co-dependent. Thanks for tuning into the 2% solution. I'm Diamond while reminding you that in love and life, it's the small things that make the most significant difference Keep loving, keep learning and, until next time, keep living your best life.